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Jul. 3rd, 2002 @ 08:07 pm The Magical Thing that is the World of JC
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: I'll Cover You from Rent
Wow, I've had the live journal for 2 days and haven't posted yet, but that's largely due to the network in my res hall being down. So while I do have an awesome story to tell, I'll use this first post to tell everyone who might want to read this about myself.

Um. . . I'm JC, 20, and a Junior majoring in Journalism and Psychology at the University of Arkansas Fayetteville. Yes, I'm still living in a residence hall, but I'm an RA. . . so it's not all that bad. I know that most of my friends would call me sterotypically gay, and while I am pretty close, I don't think I exemplify it in all ways - I do like pop music and stuff and I am a bit on the feminine side, but I'm not a super flaming queen or anything. My flame could only light a dark room at night - not the "dark" side of the moon. So that's a bit about me, lets go on to the people around me.

How about the friends. Paul, Radwa, and Jeremy all have livejournal accounts. Paul was my roommate during my freshman year of college, Radwa is a lesbian I met through LOYAL ( a youth group of town), and Jeremy is the Executive Chair of PRIDE - our campus GBLT group of which I am media chair. Despite popular opinion, I am *NOT* Jeremy's sugar daddy. ;-) You'll prob. hear quite a bit about these people, so I'm not going into too much detail at the moment. There are quite a few others, but I'll mention them as they come up in conversation.

Now for the fag hags: Elizabeth has pretty much been the main one for the past year, she's the other RA in my building. . .but that's a strange relationship. She gets angry with me and yells at me like once a month. . . but I guess it's all good - we've kinda developed a pattern at this point. ;-) Now, Melissa has been moving up in the ranks. She's an RA here in summer school with me and we have a lot of stuff in common - we eat the same things, have the same taste in guys, ect. It's kinda freaky.

Then the "obsessions": If you've read Paul's journal, you've heard of "JC Mode" or the over anaylitical neuroticism. . .While he exaggerated just a bit, there is a kernel of truth in what he said. The main obsession for the past year I will refer to as him in case he should ever find this. Of course, this clever little alais won't keep him from realizing that I'm talking about him, but maybe it'll keep some other people from realizing - for reasons that will become obvious later. He's a year younger than me so he just came out of his freshman year. He's not completely out yet and he's really shy. . so my efforts don't seem to get very far. I can't tell if he just wants to be friends or if he likes me and is scared by that or if he likes me but doesn't want to tell me in case something better comes along or what.. . so it's hella confusing. Rent, the musical, is coming to town in November and tickets are going fast. . . so I emailed him (he's home for the summer) and asked if he wanted tickets. .he said yes so I bought them for him. . .and he's going to be an RA this year so maybe I can work on that a bit. . .

Well, that's the basic idea of me and the world of JC, so I'll leave this post at that. I seriously doubt that I'll keep this up on a day to day basis, but we'll see.
A day of dreams. . .
angel
1 dreamer
Dream with me. . .
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Jul. 3rd, 2002 @ 08:15 pm The Etiology of MSPhoenix (Backdated)
I began to wonder if people coming across my journal ever thought to themselves, So just what the hell is MSPhoenix. And since an annoying large number of people read it as Ms. Phoenix, I decided to created this backdated entry to try to explain some of it.

The Master of Shadows (MS) and the Phoenix are symbols that found great birth in my imagination as a young, young boy. I led a boring, introverted life and I wanted nothing more than to be important so I created a super powerful being for myself. I named this creature: The Raven of Maximole (yes, I was a Poe fan at an early age). The Raven consisted of 2 smaller powers: The Master of Shadows and the Phoenix; each one of these powers had 2 forms - a beast form and a magical form. The beast form was a way of travel and a way of "connecting the creatures' energy back to nature and the earth." The magical form was basically human but generally covered in robes and such.

The Master of Shadows had all of the "dark" powers. He very literally "mastered the shadows." He blended in with the night and could move stealthily and undetected. His power was symbolized by the "Staff of Shadows" that he carried. His beast form was that of a black panther and his magical form was that of a heretic - as in the "gaming Heretic / Hexen definition" of a heretic. The Master of Shadows was the embodiment of evil - the dark side in us all - and thus very spiteful.

The Phoenix had all of the "light" powers. Her (yes, her) beast form was that of a Phoenix - they mystical bird of flame. Her magical form was that of a very powerful mage. Her power was symbolized by the Phoenix Staff - a golden staff with the image of a phoenix near the top - the eyes of the phoenix on the staff were made of the "Orbs of light" which was the center of the Phoenix's power. The Phoenix was all about rebirth and renewal - the light or good side that is in us all. And thus, in my mind, was a very forgiving - feminine power.

The two powers came together to form The Raven. Beast form: a black panther with raven's ears and black wings of flame. Magical form: a heretic mage. The Raven was the embodiment of the fight between darkness and light that exists in every person, but in my mythos, the good was always just a little bit stronger and was always able to reign in the more impulsive desires of the dark. Looking back, it's probably significant that I, as a gay man gave the "dark" side of my personality a masculine gender and the "light" side of my personality a feminine gender. LOL

So why do I go by the MSPhoenix and not the Raven any more? Well back in my early days of the Internet, the identity of "Raven" began to be associated with some things that I didn't want to be involved in and I got tired of being mistaken, so I switched.

And so it goes, that MSPhoenix became my dominate identity on the web.
A day of dreams. . .
thought
2 dreamers
Dream with me. . .
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Jul. 3rd, 2002 @ 08:19 pm Of Media, Pictures, and Aaron Carter
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: Baby It's You - Aaron Carter
Ok, you should prob. know that I have this weird obsession for Aaron Carter. Now before you start to scream. . . it's not a "OMG, Aaron Carter is so fucking hot" thing. . yes, he is cute but he's 14 - so no. I do think that in a few years *fans self* but for now he's cute and has good music.

So I live in Arkansas, which is like backwaters USA but I do have to admit that Fayetteville is a nice little mecca in the middle of insanity. Concert's and famous people don't come to this part of the country often, so in Feburary when I heard that Aaron Carter and Dream Street were coming to Little Rock ( a three hour drive from here), I had to go. I ended up with 7th row seats which was pretty good, but Alltel Arena - the venue - wouldn't let cameras in. . so I didn't get any pictures. And 7th row does not an autograph get. . .so I was pissed.

So yeah, my one Aaron Carter exerience was amazing, but dissappointing at the same time. . .but then just a few days ago, something amazing happend. I had to tell one of my Yahoo Groups - Aarons-Older-Admirers (I co moderate it with my friend Monica) about the experience. To save me the typing, here is the message that I sent to the group:

____
Like I said, Rogers is about a half hour drive from here so I
get there about 10 till 10 (he's supposed to be there from 10 -12).
And I figured out why they were doing this big huge celebration -
it's the 40th anniversary of Wal-Mart and the Roger's store is Store
#1 the first one they built -- so that's why. Anyway, there's lots
of stuff going on, so I figure I'll just walk around and scope the
place out. I finally find the table towards the back of the store
and man is there a line. It runs from the McDonald's all the way
down the ailse between the food and men's clothing, wraps around
men's clothes and then comes back. This is also the biggest super
center in the country -- so yeah, a hella long line. Aaron isn't
there yet so I figure the chances of me getting an autograph are
kinda slim. . . so I think - what the hell, I'll just get a few
pics. . then I notice that they have shopping carts around the table
so that only the people in line can get close. So I'm angry then I
notice a few people in line with cameras so I figured having a camera
would be ok. . . then I notice the tv camera and a newspaper
photographer near the table and I realize, "The hell with this, I'm
the fucking media too." So I run out to my car, get my camera and my
student media credentials from the University and go back in. The
manager, a guy named Mike, is standing at the door and I go up to
him, show him the credentials and say, "hello, I'm Jackson Murray I'm
with student media at the University of Arkansas and I was wondering
if it was ok if I bring a camera in (I had my Sony Mavica with me)
and take a few pics of the events you have going on. Do you need to
mark the camera or anything? And Mike looks at me and
says, "Awesome. No I won't mark the camera, just keep your
credentials with you and you'll be fine. Also if you can't take
pictures of any of the merchandise in the store if you're going to
publish them. OK? I'll go ahead and radio them and let them know
you're here." He grabs his radio and says, "Hey, this is Mike I've
got a reporter from the UA Student Media here with a camera, so it's
ok if he comes back." and he turns to me and says, "If someone in
management comes up to you just say that you talked to Mike." and I'm
like, "OK" so yeah, I walk back there in time to see Aaron walk
in . . .and let me tell you, I got CLOSE to the table so some of the
pics are rather good. He was wearing a shirt that had laces in the
front instead of buttons and the laces were rather loose ;-) so I
need to lay down a warning abou that picture and there's one "Carter
Tongue" pic too. ;-) (but like I said, the pics will have to wait
until computing services gets the network back up). Anyway, I got
quite a few shots and then decided that I'd get in line. I was in
line for 55 minutes (remember he was leaving at 12 on the dot) well,
I got an autograph at 11:45 and the line was just as long then as
when I got in it. I walked up to the table and by then they were
really hearding us through there FAST, so I didn't really get to talk
to him. I just said, "hey" and he looked up and smiled -- MY GOD,
pictures don't do the eyes on that boy justice. ;-) and there was
this look, I can't tell if it was a "Oh you must be getting this for
someone else look" or a "wow, your really old for a guy wanting my
autograph" look. It was hard to explain. I think I might have
mumbled "thanks" but I'm not really sure (like I said -- THE EYES).
About that time someone (I'm assuming his body guard - I do have a
pic of the whole enterouge so Moni can put names to faces for me at
some point) said, "Hey Aaron, they can have my autograph too if they
want." Which Aaron found hysterical. Then a really nasty ugly guy
with sun glasses that was standing beside Aaron said, "Alright lets
move it along move it along." so I went on - took a few more pics and
left.
Let me just say that the amount of teenage boys in that line
waiting for an autograph was quite impressive. There was this one
boy in line behind me and I was so like *fanning self* "OMG, now
that's nice." but then I realized that he couldn't have been older
than 16 and yeah, that's bad so I stopped looking. ;-)
When I was finished, I ran into Mike again and said, "Do you
have any idea how hard it is to try to get a shot when there are a
lot of people around and you can't get any merchandise in the pic
(Aaron was sitting between an Oreo display and a Doritos display.)"
Mike laughed and said, "Did you do it though?" and I said, "Yeah I
managed to get a few good shots in, thanks a lot." and he
like, "Alright!" and does this combination hand shake / high five. I
was thinking that that's kinda strange but whatever. and then he
says, "We also have a display of the Arkansas and American flag made
out of flowers in the garden center - you might want to get a shot of
that." and I said, "Cool" and walked that direction and he
said, "thanks man" as I left.
But it was entertaining. . . and if nothing else it did solidify
my want to have a job at a well known magazine that targets a teenage
or "pop" demographic. --NEVER will I ever understimate the power of
the media again -- even if it is just the student media of a
university. ;-)
____
So it was a fun day, I got some awesome pictures, and got an autograph. So I don't have to be bitter anymore. . . at least not when it comes to Aaron Carter.
A day of dreams. . .
angel
Dream with me. . .
Go directly to this dream

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